I talked with Stephanie, an expat living in Brazil, about dating while pursuing financial independence. This interview is part of a series about dating and money. Read the previous installment here. [This conversation has been edited for clarity.]
1. Tell us where you learned about money.
I learned from my parents more what not to do with money than what to do with money. My mom was an accountant but had her own business. My dad also owned his own business and I saw a lot of the struggles there. There’s so much variability in entrepreneurship. If your company doesn’t do well, it can be a strain, not having steady projects. It’s influenced me not to be an entrepreneur.
I was 1 of 4 children. My sister had a project, how much can a family live off of per meal. My family came up with $1 per person per meal. She went to a private school and her teacher said that’s not possible. And we said, yeah we’ve been doing that all the time. Because I couldn’t ask my mom and dad for money, I learned that I didn’t truly need extra things.
2. Tell us about becoming an expat and your FI journey.
I’ve always wanted to live overseas. I studied abroad in college in Sweden but it was only for 4 months so it didn’t satisfy my wanderlust. I did a 2-year rotational program with my company. At the end of it, I ended up finding a department in my company hiring quality engineers to live and work abroad.
I had an offer to move to Siberia Russia to do almost the exact same job that I currently do. Even though I want to work overseas, the location wasn’t going to work for me. But the offer of Brazil came in after someone else backed out. My initial contract was 2 years. I got it extended for 3 years.
Someone had already given me the idea of “live like you’re still in college and save the rest.” Even after I graduated from college, I only lived on 50% of my income. And then I was a little lost; my next financial milestone was retirement when I was 65.
My roommate told me about Mr. Money Moustache and I read the entire blog. Financial independence means I’ll have enough life savings that I don’t have to work if I don’t have to. I plan to be financially independent when I’m 32.
Being an expat for my company means, I get my normal salary plus several perks like my car and rent paid for. Being in Brazil means I get one meal daily paid for. My biggest expenses are travel, groceries, gas, and shopping. Being an expat allows me to save a lot of money.
3. Do you have any tips on saving money?
I save somewhere around like 98% of my income. Even before I moved to Brazil I saved 50% of my income.
But it can be difficult to save. There’s still temptation: “Oh I’m making more money. I can go on extravagant trips.” And I won’t tell you I don’t go on extravagant trips. But I know which things don’t matter to me. It’s not like I have X budget to go on a trip but instead I think, how can I do this in a cheap but comfortable way? Let me look for a hotel that looks nice but is of good value. This is what sounds like the coolest experience and here is how I can still save money in the process.
At some point, I would like to motivate people not to bite off more than they can chew at a younger age. I’ve heard horror stories of people getting out of college with $100,000 of debt. It’s important to make smart decisions early since it will impact your future self. Student loan payments can translate to $500/month, which is the same as I was paying for rent after college. That’s like paying double rent for 30 years.
The difference between what my sister makes having gone to an Ivy League college and what I make [going in-state] can be offset with good internships and negotiating your salary.
4. What was the most surprising thing you learned about living as an expat?
The biggest frustration is the feeling that everything you think is normal is not normal and could totally be something different. The first time I drove into São Paulo for the weekend I went to an area of town that seemed a bit rundown by my standards and to park my car, without being able to communicate in Portuguese, I gave someone my cars, they handed me a little slip of paper and I just had to hope that my car would be there when I came back. For the first several months everything you do kind of feels wrong and still after two years I still have situations that feel wrong.
The other thing is, as you start to learn other languages, it’s a learning process and funny when you translate things back into your native language for example I went to the dentist and said Dentista! and walked upstairs. But in America, you wouldn’t walk in and say Dentist! and then just walk to where you needed to go.
5. What was your worst FI dating experience?
I went to an all-you-can-eat soup and pizza place. I picked up the pizza with my hands and people in Brazil don’t touch their food with their hands the look on his face was priceless. I also tried to pay for myself on that one too.
6. Who picks up the check?
Sometimes when I get into situations where I know that I don’t like them, I’m going to offer to pay and do things to show that you’re not interested.
Brazil is a masculine society and it would be expected for a man to pay the bill however I tend to make significantly more than my dates, so I still offer to split the bill.
My ex-boyfriend was on the same financial independence path that I was on. But where I’m at right now I want him to be financially independent. I would love to find someone with the mindset but I’m not holding out for that because I don’t think that’s a possibility here [in Brazil].
7. Best piece of advice for dating and money
You need to give people a chance. Even if they don’t click all of your boxes at the beginning is not a reason to dismiss them. Finding people who have lived abroad gives them something more in common with me. And they’ll hopefully start to understand that people are different. Otherwise it’ll be hard for them to understand about my daily challenges and experiences about living in a foreign culture.
I’m looking for someone that wants a relationship. That doesn’t seem so common. Perhaps because I’m looking on Tinder.
A lot of people have said that financial independence is not achievable on 20-30k. But I’ve always had the mentality that if I’m 32, I will still do something else with my time since I’m not going to sit on a beach for the rest of my life.
Also what’s the harm of me being financially independent? I’ve run into some people who have a very skeptical opinion or disbelief of being able to accomplish financial independence so young. But I try to let go of the negative thoughts and do what’s best for me.
One of the other struggles I’ve really gone through with planning to be financially independent at 32: I have no real constraints with location or money. I don’t have a family or kids. I don’t have anything that’s pulling me into one of the things. It’s leaving me in the middle of figuring what I want to do. I know I’m going to want to do something else with my life. I have a life coach to figure out what I want to do after financial independence.
I’m definitely planning to take some time off and travel but the big unknown is what happens after that. It’s a little exciting when you take out the constraints, but also a challenge. It leaves me able to think about the bigger view of the world and try to do something that leaves the world in a better place than I started.