The Joy of a Bare Bones Budget

the joy of a bare bones budget

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

My friends still talk about the buffet to this day – raw oysters, fresh shrimp, smoked salmon, caviar, fresh carved prime rib. And all sorts of other foods that were delicious (and expensive). Beautiful ambiance.  It was cheaper than what we thought they could charge, but it wasn’t so cheap that we suspected something.

It was great and all but it was also all a bit too much.

When Being Cool Has a Downside

I have this same feeling whenever I do something obviously cool. Like getting free NFL, MLB or NHL tickets. Seeing an awesome concert. Going on vacation. Even traveling at all. Once, my ex used his points to upgrade us to first class on the Acela and I thought, wow, this is WAY TOO NICE. In the timeless words of Wayne’s World: we are not worthy.

When the experience is way more luxurious than I am used to, I wonder if I’m deserving. I also start to wonder, am I really enjoying this as much as I should? Is this actually fun? Is this worth the price? Am I worth the price?

And the weird thing is you start to feel a little guilty. Like here’s this amazing experience and you don’t know if you’re getting enough out of it. You start to feel wrong about not being as happy as you think you should be. That guilt takes away part of the joy.

I imagine it’s the same if you had a perfect life. If you have the great job, the perfect spouse, adorable children, and beautiful house, I think you’d look around and think, ok this is as good as it gets. Am I enjoying it enough? Am I even happy? And then your perfect life is a little bit less perfect.

The Joy of Being Lame

I grew up in a middle class family of five on the East Coast. That meant that we couldn’t fly somewhere cool every summer. That meant we had some pretty boring vacations, because we would go to where we could drive. I mean Kitty Hawk, NC, Pigeon Forge, TN, Dayton, OH. Yep, we went to Dayton, Ohio on vacation and we don’t have any relatives there. My parents thought it would be nice to visit. (We also drove by Gary, Indiana, but we didn’t stick around. We’re lame but not crazy.)

There’s nothing wrong with these places. (I grew up in a small town in New Jersey – I don’t judge). But they’re nothing to brag about. In today’s world, if a place isn’t Instagrammable, does it even exist?

I never disliked these vacations though. In fact, I look back at them fondly. Because when the experience is so uncool, it takes the pressure off. Your expectations are so low that even when you’re mildly amused, it’s like a jet rocket of happiness. And if you’re disappointed, that’s ok too. When your circumstances are less than perfect, you are finally free to feel however you are meant to feel. You can complain a little, sure. You can make fun of yourself and your ridiculous family vacations to Pigeon Forge.

You can also enjoy it.

And the best part of enjoying the weird, bizarre-o vacations is that you know that if you can enjoy yourself in the simplest of situations, you can enjoy yourself anywhere. The awesome place or the exhilarating situation becomes less of a focus. Instead, you can focus on yourself or on family or friends. You don’t have the pressure to be having the most photogenic or admired life ever. It’s nice to realize that your life is too lame to be on social media. And when your life is something that isn’t worth bragging about, then your life becomes a little more private and precious. You’re not living the life for “likes” anymore – you’re living the life for you.

The Joy of a Bare Bones Budget

I like to practice this idea of, well I guess I could call it “being lame,” but also having a “bare bones” lifestyle. I don’t have a problem with lifestyle inflation – I spend roughly on par with my lifestyle from 13 years ago, when I made a fifth of what I do now. But even so, sometimes it still all seems excessive. Sometimes I still wonder if I’m enjoying all of this (and by “this” I mean life) enough. I realize all the blessings I have – good food and drink, nice vacations, a nice home – and I want to ensure that I can still be grateful without any of these things.

The beauty of a bare bones budget is that you don’t have to pretend that everything is great. You can live a not-so-great lifestyle, and somehow it’s still amazing and wonderful. Because you’re alive and you’re appreciative and you realize that all the luxuries and excess are fun – but they’re not what your life is about.

What this means is that sometimes I’ll have beans and rice (but if you season it well, it’s delicious). I’ll have ramen (actually I love ramen, so this is more of a treat than a restriction). Wander around my city on a staycation. Spend the day organizing my stationery closet or mending my clothes. Attend free events around my area (super easy to do in DC). I’ll use what I have. If you can derive joy and a feeling of wealth from free lame things, that’s real guiltless joy. And that’s real savings.

Conclusion

I lived abroad for a year. I’m sure it was very exciting and adventurous to think about traveling and being free without responsibilities. And towards the end of it, I remember wanted to set up roots and being tied down somewhere. Here I was, young and free and living out other peoples’ dream. But what I wanted was the mundane – getting up and seeing the same things and people every morning. Building a life of routine. I felt guilty about that but I don’t think I should have. It’s totally ok to prefer the lame, the boring, the mundane over the exciting. Sometimes we can appreciate the small, cheap things more than the large, expensive ones. It doesn’t mean we aren’t appreciative or are valuing things in the wrong way. We are valuing things in the exact way we feel is right. We just have to learn to accept our own preferences no matter how uncool they may seem.

It’s fitting that I’m posting this at the end of Ramadan. I think the tradition of fasting for a month is so beautiful – as a reminder of those who do without. The joy of a bare bones budget is that you realize that you can appreciate what you have knowing that you wouldn’t be any happier with more. The joy is that you can be happy with less. And the best part is that you know you have the freedom to choose if you’re happy or not – and you choose yes.

The Expert Budgeting Advice I Don’t Follow

The 50-20-30 budget is a cornerstone rule-of-thumb according to personal finance budgeting experts. In it, you spend 50% on needs, 20% on savings and debt reduction and 30% on “wants.”  This may be sacrilege but this seems like a terrible plan for your budget.

Frittering money away on a budget

Consider the following hypothetical 10-year spending of a 23-year old who makes approximately $30,000/year post-tax and who follows this budget.
Age Posttax $ Annual wants Monthly Wants
23 30,000 9,000 750
24 31,200 9,360 780
25 32,448 9,734 811
26 33,746 10,124 844
27 35,096 10,529 877
28 36,500 10,950 912
29 37,960 11,388 949
30 39,478 11,843 987
31 41,057 12,317 1,026
32 42,699 12,810 1,067
 Total $108,055

Starting with a modest entry-level salary and modest raises, this person has spent $108,055 over just 10 years on indeterminate “wants.” Over a 40 year career, this number could be half a million or more.

What do you get if you spend 30% on wants?

What do you think these wants are? Well, if you look at the number as $100k, and think of spending a lump sum like that, it seems like you could have bought some really awesome stuff that would be valuable now. You could have a designer wardrobe, a nice car, some nice vintage furniture or maybe you can point to key moments in your life- lavish vacations, a big wedding.

But if you subdivide it into $750-$1000 month, it’s very easy for that money to disappear rapidly. You find that you can piddle your money away on Kardashian-endorsed clothing, a Hyundai, and overpriced West Elm furniture (I don’t have anything against the Kardashians or Hyundais but I’ve heard West Elm isn’t very good). Instead of memorable meals, you’ve spent way too many weeknights at the not-so-good pub or the meh takeout place.

Why 30% “wants” can be a bad idea

Budgets are often thought of as ways to restrain our spending but, if used incorrectly, they can be the impetus to increase spending. Say this person is 23 and never made any real money before and now has license to use $750 with no real purpose every month. How is this person going to spend that $750? Probably not in a malicious way but likely in an easy way. Someone suggests a trip somewhere and you go.

Then, you have a rough day at work so you go out to a fancy dinner to treat yourself. Upgrade your electronics and your cars. Upgrade your furniture. You have kids and buy your kids stuff. At the end of 10 years, you have the latest versions of things you used to have when you were 23, your closets are filled with stuff, you have a fair number of frequent flyer miles and you wonder, why am I still in debt? Why don’t I have the career I want?  Why don’t I have the relationships I want? Why isn’t my life fulfilling?

 All this regret and you’ve been sticking to a budget. You did everything the financial gurus told you to do, but you might not be getting ahead of your finances.

A Possible Solution

The regrets people have in their 20s were not traveling more, not building close relationships, not exercising, not trying new things. Instead of putting an indiscriminate “wants” category, perhaps you could subdivide your “wants” budget to address these possible regrets.

Chinese billionaire Li Ka-shing offered some interesting budget advice. Some background on Li, after his dad passed away, he was forced to start working 16-hour days at age 15. He did not come from wealth but is worth an estimated $31 billion today.

Anyway, Li’s advice is to divide one’s budget according to the following categories:

50% live. 20% save. 15% grow. 10% build. 5% play.

Here’s How It Would Work

Here’s an example of what this looks like on the same $30k posttax salary:


Live (the basics)

$800 rent/utilities
$150 food
$200 other necessary spending (insurance, phone etc.)
$100 transportation

Total = $1250=50%

Grow (learn and experience)

$50 building your network/dating (building new relationships)
$50 books/classes (structured learning)
$200 travel/trying new things/starting a new business (independent learning)
$75 charity

Total =$375 =15%

Build (acquire the things you will need in your life)

$100 furnishing your home/home needs
$100 furnishing your wardrobe/personal needs
$50 exercise (classes, building your own at-home gym)
Total = $250 = 10%

Save

$500 savings/debt repayment
Total = $500 = 20%

Play (whatever you want)

$125 entertainment/eating out
Total = $125 = 5%

$2500 total

You get $50 to spend on networking this month. Who do you want to meet and treat to coffee? A cute dating prospect? Your coworkers? People with your potential dream job?

You get $200 to travel this month. Where do you want to go? What do you want to see? Paris? Polynesia? Pittsburgh?

You have $100 to spend on classes. What do you want to learn? Java? Italian? How to bake a cake? How to play the piano?

Even you can’t make these percentages, that’s fine. It’s something to work towards. The point of a budget is structure, not perfection. The beauty of this budget is that if you follow it perfectly, you will grow and you won’t squander too much of your money away on activities and products that you won’t remember.

I’ve heard some people say that the 20s don’t matter. Those people probably think life doesn’t matter. In your 20s you may (finally!) be out of school, and you can make your 20s can be all about growth. Even if all you learn is how to tread water, that’s a great skill

Some people enter their 30s in hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. Why can’t you use these 10 years to build a foundation for your career growth?

What do you think of this alternative budget?

Expert budgeting financial advice I don't follow

Photo by Fabian Blank on Unsplash

How Being “Nice” Hurts Your Finances

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Everyone should be kind. But that’s quite different than being “nice.”

According to Wikipedia:

The term”nice guy syndrome” can be used to describe a man who views himself as a prototypical “nice guy,” but whose “nice deeds” are deemed to be solely motivated by a desire to court women.

A nice guy does certain things that appear, on their face, to be nice, but he doesn’t do these actions just to be nice – no, he has an agenda. In his mind he’s thinking, if I do X nice things for a girl, then she should date me. But the girl never agreed to any of this. The way you recognize a “nice guy” is that when he doesn’t get the results he expected, he gets really upset and the nice actions stop. He views these women as leading him on.

This isn’t a phenomenon solely for men though. I’ve seen women also make these mental contracts. I’ve known women who act believing that if she does certain things, the guy she’s dating will want her to be his girlfriend, or will propose or will be a better husband.  And then when the guy doesn’t call, doesn’t propose, doesn’t pick up the extra chores, she’s upset. She views these men as players.

In both these “nice people’s” minds is the idea that the other person should have known that the nice guy/girl wouldn’t have done these things without some quid pro quo arrangement. The nice guy/girl held up his/her end of the deal so where was their reward?

So what’s a nice guy/girl to do?

Well, I’m a lawyer so I’m going to say “Make a contract.” But you probably won’t.

The problem with “nice guys” or “nice girls” is that you can only control your own actions. If you expect people to read your mind, you’ll generally be disappointed. Even if they could read your mind, it doesn’t mean that they’ll do what you want them to do. If you need someone else to do something in order to make your actions worth it, either state your intentions and get an agreement or don’t do it.

What does this have to do with finances?

Just like in relationships, you can only control your own actions when it comes to your finances; you don’t have control over results and you don’t have control over anyone else. The important thing here is acknowledging the contracts you are making in your own head. For instance:

You’re killing yourself at work, but no one agreed to promote you.

You write blog posts based on what you perceive other people want to read, but no one agreed to read it.

If you’re acting like a “nice guy/girl” these are reasonable things to do but these actions will only lead to resentment. Instead, you need to ask yourself why you’re doing the things you do. If you find your work intrinsically rewarding, then keep on doing it. If you would only do certain activities if you get a certain return, then you have to ask for it and do what it takes to get the other person to agree. If what you’re asking them to do sounds hideous to ask (if I am nice to you, then you will work for free), then don’t expect a great response.Even if the other person agrees to your terms, you should always act as if the return is uncertain. That means, if it’s something you really don’t want to do, you really shouldn’t do it.

I know everyone says doing what you love is terrible advice. It’s true that it’s a dicey proposition to do what you love and expect to make a living from it. But the worst part of doing what you love is that you might not get paid; you still spent your time doing what you love. If you aren’t doing what you love, you better make sure you are getting something worthwhile in return.

At the Crossroads of Student Financial Health and Mental Health

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I learned that there was a suicide at my very competitive high school earlier this month. He was a freshman. When I learned this from a friend, I told her I was surprised it hasn’t happened more often.

When I was home on break my fourth year at college, I received a very strange phone call. It was the father of an acquaintance,  a current senior, already accepted to attend my college. The father asked about my senior slump, i.e. the expected drop in grades a high school senior has after being accepted into college. Oblivious, I stated honestly that my senior grades improved my last semester, likely due to teachers caring even less than the students. I treated it as a bit of a joke, but he didn’t take it that way.

Apparently, my acquaintance had suffered the usual senior slump and his father had taken it upon himself to punish him based on whether I had done the same. (I was currently attending the college, so clearly I was not a good example for the father to call).

I later learned that the father hit his son after our call.

I think people hear this story and are surprised that I’m surprised. That family and my family are both Asian so I should have known what the call was about, right?

Over the years, I’ve learned that my parents are not normal. For instance, once when I was in a group of Asian people, someone said “people don’t understand that all Asian people get beat by their parents.” I piped up:”my parents don’t hit me.” One of my friends burst out laughing. Then she stopped and asked if it was a joke.

Asians think this is bar none the strangest thing about my family – no one gets hit, no one hits anyone else.  I know, as children, my parents got beat, but that was in Asia and a long time ago. I figured it was a bygone barbaric time. My grandparents did not know any better.

I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t beat your kids. I don’t understand it myself but I’m not judging. Still, it’s not the hitting that bothers me so much as the reason for hitting. My acquaintance was going to a very good school. Why would you hit a good kid like that?

And the answer is, because slumping grades are not good enough in the Asian American community. I am cognizant of the pressures to be perfect, but mostly from a distance. Most of my pressure growing up was internal; I tiger mom-ed myself. I signed myself up for piano lessons. I applied to gifted and talented programs. I applied to law school on my own urging.

It wasn’t until I was in college that I saw the external pressure my friends were under. This pressure to be perfect, top of class, high-earning. And I didn’t even grow up in a  super-pressure-cooker area like New York or California, or (heaven-forbid) Asia.

Asian immigrant parents often came to this country with nothing and they wanted a better life for their children. This has led to an arms race in education and money. And Asian parents will literally do anything to get their kids to succeed. There’s an incredible amount of sacrifice involved. Some Asian parents will sacrifice their own financial well-being for their children. With that, there comes a lot of pressure (psychological, emotional and physical, to name a few) to do well and give back. It’s not just about earning one’s keep; it feels a little bit like the guilt that Private Ryan has after so many people sacrificed for him. But if he had known about the guilt he would suffer, Private Ryan probably would have told those soldiers to call off the search. It’s just too much of a burden to bear. Nothing will ever seem enough to cover the sacrifice.

When I thought of student financial health, I thought about student health, and I thought about this. I was thinking, the best way to work on your financial health as a student is to give yourself a break. It’s too much of a burden to achieve super-perfect grades to get into that super-perfect college so that you can get that super-perfect job and earn super-perfect money. It’s ok to make ok money.

It’s ok to struggle at school or finances or relationships or anything. It’s also ok to fail sometimes. Failint doesn’t make you a failure and people will not see you as such.  Not being perfect only means you are human. And if that’s not ok for some people, well it’s their own problem. It’s not your problem.

In a way, it was good that I wasn’t such a stellar student because it meant that I didn’t have to live in fear of knowing what might happen if I failed. I met the failure and found it was ok.

Your parents probably love you even without all the bells and whistles. I mean, I can’t say for sure because I’m an Internet stranger. But it’s probably true. I eventually found out my own parents cared about me apart from my (paltry) accomplishments.

I always noticed that when pushy Asian moms would brag about their kids, my mom would bring up whatever marginally impressive thing her kids had done to use as a weapon to fight back. And then she’d bemoan the other moms later. From this, I did eventually get the feeling that my family was all on the same team. She didn’t tell me to get better for the sake of other moms; she just hung around other moms less. (Not because she was ashamed of us but because it’s just exhausting and no one’s ever going to top Danny who went to Yale on a full scholarship).

I wish you all the same luck with your families. And, y’know a scholarship to Yale (while we’re wishing). #finhealthmatters

 

 

How to Keep Shame From Messing with Your Finances

shame and money don't mixWhy Shame Is Our Default Response

During a tough time, a friend asked me how I was doing  and I deflected with my usual disclaimer. I said it was tough but I acknowledged that some people were suffering much more than me. There was hunger and there was death and disease.

I wasn’t saying this just to be polite. In fact, I was incredibly embarrassed by how difficult things were for me. I shamed myself often, telling myself, c’mon Lisa, get over yourself. People are fighting wars and running for their lives and you have stupid X, Y, Z problems. Anyone would be happy to have your silly problems.

My friend, though, saw right through me. He said, that’s a terrible way to look at it. Acknowledging that I have problems is not the same as discounting other people’s problems. We are not in a competition for who has it worst.

His message has stuck with me. I am not in a competition for the worst life. And when I think of things that are actually shameful, they are about doing bad things, not about struggling with our lives.

How Shame Messes with Our Finances

So why was shame my default choice? As a society, we are taught that shame is good. Shame is supposed to motivate us to better things – altruism, success, exercise. But shame is meant to make us feel bad in order to correct our bad behavior. If you feel shame all the time, or if you feel shame when you haven’t done something wrong, something is awry.

In fact, after I started letting myself wallow in a carefully regulated amount of self-pity, I finally got over it. I think discounting my  emotions as silliness held me back. I spent all this time shaming myself and not enough time figuring stuff out.

Sometimes I follow the same pattern when I talk about my financial journey.

I have a high income. I have quite a bit of savings. So when I feel inadequate that people younger than me have saved so much more, have higher incomes or have already bought multiple houses, I tell myself, well there are people who are worried about losing their house or their job or their kids. My worries are inconsequential, I think. But that’s the wrong approach.

It’s the wrong approach because you are entitled to have your feelings and to the extent that shame keeps you from acknowledging that you have emotions and struggles, it’s counterproductive.

It’s ok if your problems are really hard for you.

I don’t have to have the biggest problems in the world for them to be valid. I don’t have to have the best story in the world to own my story. Being honest about my floofy problems and my true story might be helpful to someone else. But nothing good is going to come from me tamping down my problems and my story.

I don’t have the biggest problems but they are my problems and I’m figuring out how to deal with them. I don’t have to compete on problems with anyone else.

But won’t treating my small potato problems like big problems indicate a lack of self-awareness? Isn’t that the kind of thing that should be ridiculed? Look, if someone is trying to diminish or one-up you on your problems, then let them diminish or one-up you and then find some other people to talk to. If someone is telling you your problems don’t matter, then they don’t care about you. My friends, who are all saints in my opinion, still care about what problems I’m going through even when they have their own setbacks. And I care about their problems so why can’t I care about mine?

This will sound very unproductive, but I hereby give you all permission to wallow in your problems. Don’t be obnoxious about it but don’t be dismissive either.

Shame isn’t the answer.

I heard this story on a podcast. This woman slept around quite a bit and she was ashamed of herself for doing so. But, she figured, at least she felt the shame. If she didn’t feel the shame, then she knew she was really far gone. Later, however, when she learned to accept herself and her actions without the shame, she found she didn’t want to sleep around anymore. So paradoxically it was the shame over doing the things that she didn’t want to do that kept her doing them. In fact, rather than preventing her from doing something worse, it was the shame that was the instigator of it all.

It’s a bit funny that all of us can feel ashamed of our finances, of where we’ve come from, of where we are or where we’re going. And maybe we justify all of it by stating that at least we know we’re wrong or privileged or a spendthrift and we feel badly about it. Maybe that’s not the right approach at all. Maybe the first step in everyone’s financial journey is saying, this is how I feel and that’s ok. I’m ok for feeling these things.

And maybe what follows is that we need to forgive the past and everyone that played a role in the mistakes that were made.

Of course, forgiving everyone includes forgiving ourselves.

Forgive yourself for having privileges that others didn’t have. Forgive yourself for not having the privileges that others had. Forgive yourself for not saving as much as you wanted, making investment mistakes, not making a high enough salary, making too high a salary for what you do, for anything unethical you’ve done, for anything unethical done to you, for any jealousy that you’ve harbored against anyone else.

Forgive yourself for having problems. Then wallow. Then fix it or get over it and then go help someone else.

This Stupidly Easy Tip from My Parents Has Saved Me Thousands of Dollars

giphy.gifSource: Giphy.com

It’s remarkably easy for me to feel ashamed. And the problem when I’m ashamed is that I clam up. And the problem with clamming up is that I don’t get help. But one time I told my parents about a problem and it helped. A lot. (But for whatever reason I never tell them my problems anymore. Maybe I should look into that).

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Seven Strategies to Kill Your Excuses for Not Cooking at Home

It’s funny how New Year’s falls during one of the coldest and darkest parts of the year. How can you start exercising when it’s so cold and dark all you really want to do is curl up under your blankets in bed? But one resolution that does make more sense to start when it’s cold and dark is to cook at home more often because it means you get to stay at home when it’s cold! For instance, last week, the cold was so bone-chilling that I wanted to cancel my dinner plans at this hip new restaurant so I could go straight home and eat hot soup under a blanket.

But cooking at home seems like a lot of work, right? Not so. Use these tips to make cooking at home as easy or easier than ordering out .

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How to Let Go of Your Anger: Reviewing the Mistitled “How to Fight”

I’m a Christian but I understand that there is a lot of moral wisdom to be gained from nonChristian and non-religious books. I also often think that the Bible may be lacking sometimes in practical guidance. For instance, Jesus instructs us in Matthew 5:22, that even being angry at your brother is a sin. But he doesn’t tell us how to stop being angry. And the church doesn’t usually offer any advice beyond “call on the Holy Spirit to give you [patience, endurance, kindness].”

In Bible study, we are wrestling with the idea of God being our friend, while also being someone who was revered. The group agreed that “Sup, Bro” would be too casual to say to God. But they also agreed that getting angry at God was ok. But I think it’s got to be more reverential to ask “how are you” in vernacular than it is to express anger. Plus, though I realize that God isn’t a human, so we don’t really have to worry about God’s feelings, I think the act of getting angry, even when another person is not the victim, has damaging effects on us.

How to Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh has a really misleading name. It’s really about controlling your anger. Hanh shares my belief in the corrupting force of anger:

When you try to get anger out by hitting something like a pillow, it may seem harmless. But it’s not certain that you can release your anger by hitting the pillow, imagining it to be your enemy, the one who has made you suffer. You may be rehearsing your anger and making it stronger instead of releasing it. . . By rehearsing our anger we are creating a habit of being angry, which can be dangerous and destructive.

So Hanh is saying, the act of getting angry, even when there are no victims, is destructive to oneself. I think we know this instinctively to be true. My favorite passage is called “Killing Anger”:

…he cursed the Buddha to his face. The Buddha only smiled. The cousin became even more incensed and asked, “Why don’t you respond?” The Buddha replied, “If someone refuses a gift, it must be taken back by the one who offered it.” Angry words and actions hurt oneself first and hurt oneself most of all.

This passage reminded me that, many times, you have complete choice in how to respond to people. (It’s also helpful to think of in terms of gifts this holiday season. If someone gives you a malicious gift, you can just give it back. You don’t have to accept everything that is given to you). They may bait you, they may come at you with anger, but you don’t have to return the gift. They can take the anger home with them. You don’t have to take the anger home with you.

It’s funny that when you start reading books, they all start to relate to one another. The Longevity Plan , which I had discussed in another blog post, had also talked about the dangers of anger for the heart and breathing as a means to remove anger.

This book was really helpful to me for understanding my own anger. When I think of getting angry, I think of fighting. I don’t stop to think, did I misunderstand what the other person said or did? Do I need to fight back? If I started fighting, what would “winning” look like?

But when you’re angry and the other person is angry, you feel like you’re the only one suffering but the fact is, you’re both suffering. Hanh compares fighting in this scenario to running after the arsonist when your house is still on fire. By settling the anger within ourselves, we stop both sides from suffering, and we train ourselves not to become angry. This is the only way to truly put out the fire and prevent more fires from spreading.

What are your techniques for defusing anger?

Image via Giphy.

 

How to Live to be A Vibrant Centenarian: Lessons from “The Longevity Plan”

The Longevity Plan by Dr. John Day chronicles an American doctor’s journey to a bucolic Chinese village that has one of the highest rates of centenarians in the world (yes, Chinese. Everyone keeps correcting me to say, don’t you mean Okinawa? Nope. China! people). Not only are there plenty of centenarians, but the centenarians are in great health.

The tips described in the book aren’t really earth shattering, but it’s good to be reminded of them and sometimes, a certain way of describing the problem can finally spur action.

1. Eat good food

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On Treating Yo’Self: How to Splurge Without Guilt


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I had lunch at Popeye’s – 3 piece platter with 2 sides and a biscuit. I had one of those sugarbomb Starbucks Holiday drinks the other day. I also ate a cinnamon bun. I’ve been known to eat whole huge desserts without sharing. I’ve never counted calories and I hate dieting.

I hate salads.

Judging from what I just wrote, it would seem that I’m overweight and pretty gross. Well, maybe the latter but not the former.

How do I do this? Well, what I’ve listed above are all aberrations to my diet. 90% of my meals are home cooked. I limit my intake of caffeine, snacks, processed and deep fried foods. I also have a very calorie-restricted diet. So when I eat my decadent meal, it’s really an outlier to my normal lifestyle.

I look the way I do because of my normal lifestyle – not because of my outlier.

I think most people in America eat some sort of quasi-healthy dish most of the time and then they splurge. A quasi-healthy dish is like a store-bought salad, but as the Internet is quick to point out, restaurant salads aren’t necessarily healthy. So they feel all of the restriction but get none of the benefits. If they splurge, and the button pops off their pants, maybe the splurge was the tipping point, but it’s the everyday lifestyle that got them to the tipping point all along.

So people may see me eating unhealthily in one instance and think, “she must have really good genes. There’s no way I could do that.” But they’re seeing a snapshot. They have no idea what the whole story is.

It’s the same with spending money.

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